AND I AM READY TO BE BRAVE AGAIN

Saltwater crusts my eyes and burns my throat
But I raise myself to my knees, plant my palms in the coarse sand
and hack the water from my lungs

I am trembling and aching and there is an incessant screaming terror 
deep within my bones 
begging me not to rise and try it all again
To leave the mysteries of the depths and the gorgeous blue of that water
alone

But I have spent far too long being afraid
Spent days I'll not get back cowering on this shore, digging toes into sand and gazing longingly 
out 
out
Out onto adventure and life and sweet, new starts 
And I know I cannot let this failing make me never try again

Despite the passion burning a brand into every corner of my mind
my heart
is a wreck
Galloping, racing, speeding
threatening to break out of my chest 
or stop working entirely with every e x h a l e.
I am so
scared.
God
I'm so scared.

I allow the minutes to pass 
I allow my lungs to breathe
And I tell myself, dearest, you will never walk alone

And by His strength, I'm pushing upward, to my feet
And I'm swaying but standing
And the waves are breaking against my legs
But I am turning back to face this life

AND I AM READY TO BE BRAVE AGAIN