My Shadow and Me

Photo by Sila Deniz Göktaş on Pexels

I’ve been leaning more into quality over quantity with my writing lately. I’m taking my time to fall in love again with writing and words and telling stories. 

For many years now, I have been afraid of my own shadow. My gift of writing. I’ve been listening to the voice that says I can never write beautifully, and that people will never understand me. That my words will never hold truth, but my own misguided assumptions and theories. That I am unworthy to take up space with my words. 

But no, maybe you will be worthy if you slave and study away. If you read the greats, analyze their work, take their advice and use it well. Consume media on the writing craft, and cram your brain with knowledge. String words together again and again, but never share them because you don’t feel ready and what if you mess up?

And now it has been years of studying and practicing, and studying and practicing again, and I still feel as though I am not enough. 

Another problem stumbled upon with my writing is that I have fallen prey to prizing goals and the finishing of those goals over the beauty of the simple act of writing. Finishing a certain number of projects has mattered more to me than my dear, sweet words.

But, when I step away from the fear that I am unworthy to take up space, and from the pressure to write quickly so I do not fall behind… It is then I recall that I am in love with words. I am utterly smitten. 

Writing becomes, once again, as it was in my youth: a joy, a solace, a gift. One ever so intentionally selected for me by my Heavenly Father. 

So here’s to a brighter future. When, one day, the doubts don’t plaque me as brutally as they do now. When I’m comfortable knowing I don’t know every thing, but I do know some things. When I’ve learned to stop and smell the roses, and not rush through my words. When I’ve abandoned the pursuit of perfection. When I am no longer afraid of my own shadow. 

Even now though, in spite of the fear I feel toward it, I am in love with my shadow, my words that follow me everywhere. And I know they have a place in this world, in my life, and in my heart. 

And I really think we’ll do great things, my shadow and me. 

🖤

“Fall on me”. Andrea and Matteo Bocelli